scull the water to sail above the wave

Drowning deep blue sea Water rushing through eardrums Monotonous little bubbles of life Trail upwards tracking your last descent Emptiness crushing lungs Lead bloodlines dancing you to the finish line Floating limbs grasping at weeds  Just to be ripped out of reach by current Millions of eyes just stare Think its just a regular dive to the oceans depth Colors blend into a hurricare of intangible feelings The darker the sapphires blend  The lighter the lead flows out through silver fingertips Glass bubbles getting smaller and distant Millions of rocks come up to greet me Engulfing the sapphires glass Melding into a fine statue

Choking Abyss Free falling  Hands reaching out Slick oily walls Speeding up The fall of eternity Voices echo Shaking the silver stones Clawing at vibrations Begging for bloody silence Bone Crushing Soul sucking Lead shackles Twisting sinew Bleeding souls dry Choking life Begging for black Searching for intoxicating calm Eternity doesn't deliver Abyss of blankness

Ink Splatters  Ink splatters Overflowing inkwells  Minds racing Dipping the feather Droplets splatter  Black rivulets envelop beige parchment Choking life Giving a new life Scratches can't come fast enough  Words blurring  Thoughts swirling  Clarity floods the mind Ink splatters Methodical dips Continuous lines Swirling minds  Ink stains

Mental Tug of War Confusing not sure what side I'm in Open Close Eat don't eat  Never Ending  Trying to silence the voices Starvation works for one Back and forth Pick up the fork Drop it again Hungry-yet nauseous at the sight of food Voices just keep getting louder Not sure how to silence them Looking for the Red and Black Fades in fades out  Fades in again  Never on a timeline Tying a knot  Fraying edges Fading control The Mental Tug of War

I miss the feeling Miss the rush The red that clouds the black Choking me letting me breathe The nick The snap The first sizzle Calming overwhelming  Veins turning into rivers A bloody calm river Settling through the cloud of fog Geysers dry Start new geysers Ebb and Flow Pain to pleasure Writing on the wall Dripping in blood Passing out drunk from pain High off a release Dreading the low that follows Flames lit,skin singes Flames dance higher Rising dancing smoke Overtaking all thoughts

Ocean Spray Emerald shards crash with shapphire shards Melding into white diamonds Push pull High low Forward back Natures game -tug of war Diamonds glitter on the surface Colorful bobbing seashell colored triangles Swirling salt in the sky Crystals mixing wit the diamonds  Crashing against golden rocks The pressure building,crushing releasing Colors fading into the next Unwritten lines in the sand  Smoldering wood mixes with salt Ocean Spray

The soul of the being I'm missing that I didn't know I needed The electric magnetic power of calm and contentment  The one that blankets my mind Collapsing the walls I spent years building up Faceless feelings  Emotions pulling on strings I didn't know existed Creating a web of emotions so intricate I have no idea how I got here  And I don't know the way out I have no idea who opened the many locks The locks I long threw away the keys for  No names for the thoughts racing through my mind, Empty as thoughts erase my mind Erase all emotions I know by name  Who are you,what are you doing to me I just want to sit back to back Hands intertwined anything not to feel- Not to feel alone against the world Its wrong that I want you Whoever you are  The vulnerable feeling opening the red and black gates Opening a gate to a path covered in fog I have no idea where that path is taking me  But I want to go on that path with you  The

Chained elements Earth wind fire water Create invincible chains to my soul Fire burns through skin , muscle charring bone Leaving smoke signals in its wake Wind whips through to a choke hold Cutting life to a halt Earths vines drag me underground Worms eating skin and muscles Turning red disintegrating bone Burning , buried bones Acrid tendrils burning through Each chain pulling another direction Sending shards of life nowhere

Train tracks  Silver tracks running through the rocks  While thoughts race through the tracks in my mind Memories flash as trains pass  Of the days I sat and wished my life away  On the tracks away from what I thought was impossible to escape  I'm glad someone valued my life more than I  On the crazy clock of time  Time passed trains rushed  People got on  People got off  But kept moving  The value lost then  But not now  As the silver tracks  Seen again thoughts flying  As the years flew past  The value of me to myself no longer lost on me  The silver snake of continuum  Now represents the path that I'm on  Rather than the end  The end of the silver no longer exists  The train tracks

The first look you gave me - a once over to understand why i dont fit your vision for a jewish girl-its annoying but fine i get it.Im different i dont fit the exclusive dellusional mold of “perfect girls” The second look is the one that makes me want to kill you.The pity,the double glance at my chair as if i didn't know what you were pitying me for in the first place. The first time you walk by me you shy away as if i was contagious.Fine ignorance hurts,but accepted as it  can be healed with education. The second time you walk by- you gain what you think is courage to talk to me.I roll my eyes on the inside knowing whats coming next “ Refuah Shelaima,may god heal you soon.” The first thought that goes through my head is “not again,not another person who instead of seeing a thriving person using a chair to fly in life sees a broken person that needs to be fixed. The second thought that stays in my head for a while is why am I always looked at as broken and need to be fi